Giant Animals

I passed this house Sunday in the car. In the front yard, was an artificial cow. This artificial cow (life sized I might add) was also inside of an artificial enclosure. Much like you would see in a pasture. I had this issue to ponder.

I cannot imagine how one gets to the point where they want a giant fake animal in their yard. Not to mention the fake pen, for the fake animal to live in. There are two main issues I have with this whole situation.

1. Someone thought it would be okay to make said request to a spouse, a company that had the means to make a giant fake animal, small enclosure manufacturers, or another living person.

2. Someone took this person seriously and fulfilled all requests necessary to make this happen. (See above)

For god sakes people. No wonder every other country in the world hates us. People are starving, being killed in wars, murdering children, etc. Still through all this, someone thinks it would be a good idea to install a fake giant animal in their ill-manicured yard.

I wish this was still biblical times. They tried that shit in Israel with a golden calf. It did not turn out well. Trust me. There was all types of smiting going on.

The Last King of Scotland

So, I have this movie at my house from netflix. The name of it is The Last King of Scotland.
I have no idea what it is about, even though I have seen the previews in the theater. So, based on the cover of the book, I will assume the movie is about its title. I will now tell you what I think it is all about.

There is this dude. He is black. Forrest Whitaker plays him. Well, he has a fancy uniform that he uses for parades. One day he realizes that there are not any kings, not even Britain, which is run by a queen. So since he is already the ruler of Scotland, which I think is in Ireland, and also very close to Britain, he decides to be the King. Well this other dude comes along, he is played by James McAvoy. I am guessing that he is a history student or something, because he really knows about royalty and stuff and he has a really huge problem with Forrest becoming the king. Oddly enough Forrest likes him anyway and he lets him move into this castle. One of the things that Forrest can do, at least based on the book cover, is smile really big and shoot a gun out of his finger. His big smile makes you think he is nice and then he finger bangs you to death. This is how he plans to take over Scotland, Ireland. Finger-banging all the important people to death so he can take over. Well James stops him. I am not really sure how, but I am guessing there is a lot of yelling, there is probably at least one woman in the movie, she will probably cry about something and the dude will have to pretend to care to get her to stop. I think Forrest will die and since being a history major, without a gun-finger, a smile, a snazzy uniform, or parades, James will not be able to take over and he will have to become a teacher.

I will let you guys know how close I was to the plot I think is real, after I watch the movie.

What Kind of Fuckery is This?

So, this afternoon I was reading this article about an over the counter weight loss pill. This pill has been approved by the FDA, although no long term risks can be known at this time. Well, I said to myself, "Damn that is a good idea. A lot of people could benefit from something like this." Well wouldn't you know, it is not the magic pill that people are going to be looking for. It still needs to be combined with proper diet, exercise, etc. If used correctly it can add up to a 5% increase in weight loss pounds.

Well, I think we both know that people are going to try and use it like a diet pill and eat whatever they want. However, I advise against this, and this is where the fuckery comes in. Read the article yourself I am not making this up.

From the article:

"Trials did not show any major adverse effects, meaning it is generally safe, but use of alli was found to cause some side effects such as causing gas with discharge, oily discharge, increased number of bowel movement, oily spotty, oily or fatty stools, urgent need to have a bowel movement and inability of controlling bowel movement.

These side effects can be more significant among those who do not stick to a low fat diet. Because of this, Glaxo recommends patients use dark underwear."

Are you serious!? Wear dark underwear? Some scientist decided this? How about maybe you should just eat half a Twinkie less. I would not take any pill that would cause me to leak out of my butt. Not to mention the price. About $360 for a 6 month supply. Basically, you would be paying someone for them to let you shit on yourself.

Trust me. Enough people are going to shit on you during your life time, that you should not be paying someone to do it, when it WILL be happening anyway. The difference being of course, that one is metaphorical and one is physical. The results can be the same either way, but I digress. Any one else think this is whack?

P.S.

Now listening to new janks! (see sidebar)

Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery

So I was wondering the other day about blood alcohol content(B.A.C.). As most of you know, in most states if you blow 0.08 or over, you will get a D.U.I. which will probably screw up your year and your rear. Since I know nothing about the science of it. This number seems confusing to me. I know it is a ratio, but I am pretty sure some people can have a 0.08 and do fine. Others not so much. Sort of like those that can drive and talk on the cell phone at the same time.

So, I pose this question. If alcohol slows your reaction time and this is what really causes accidents and such. Do you think it is possible, if you have a faster than normal/average reaction time, think along the lines of Barry Bonds, drag racer, motorcycle racer, etc that alcohol slows your reaction time to that of a normal human being? If so, should this make it okay for you B.A.C. to be higher? Or does this not even matter?

Please let me know what you guys think?

Uselessness

As many of you may know, I work for the man. So, I am continuously subjected to lowest bidder rhetoric. The way the government works is, in order to be fair, whenever something is needed, it goes out to bid. The lowest bidder is awarded the contract. Many, myself included, think this leads to poor quality materials. Case in point. Cheap toilet paper.

It dawned on me today, that in theory, something that nobody likes or wants should not exist. Now I know this may not always be true, such as with diseases, but I am thinking more along the lines of man made items. So, since no one likes cheap toilet paper, it would stand to reason that it should not exist. The people selling the stuff surely can't subject themselves to it. I won't get into the reasons why it sucks but everyone knows that it does. So, I suggest that they, whoever they are, stop making it. We all hate it.

On a lighter note, my bud Greg at work said the coolest damned thing today. We were talking about people in old cars with big expensive shiny rims and these other dudes in a car club over by my house that all drive dodge neons.

His quote was...
"Quit wanting to be somebody and just be somebody."

Ever so simple and eloquent, I couldn't have said it myself. People, just be yourselves and reach for your dreams or something.