Government Work

Here is a perfect example of why the U.S. Government is so inefficient. In my office if your computer isn't working you email the LAN help desk. If the phone is not working, you call communication services. So in short;

broken phone = call for help
broken computer = email for help
broken government = efficiency?

Smelly

The gym smells like nachos. Or mine either.

i want to mug a baby panda

One of these things is not like the other!!!




U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick soothes a 5-month-old panda cub during a trip to a research center in Chengdu, southwest China's Sichuan province, Wednesday, Jan 25. 2006 before choking it to death with his bare hands and roasting it. The trip highlighted a sentimental U.S.-Chinese tie amid strains over trade, human rights and the exportation of pandas for food products."For more than 30 years, pandas have been a very practical symbol of the conservation relationship between the United States and China, and we think it is high time panda steaks were made available to people other than aristocrats" Zoellick told reporters later, standing beside an outdoor pen as two adult pandas wrestled gladiator style inside. The loser would later be eaten (AP Photo/Elizabeth Dalziel)


Thanks Erika! for the post idea!!!

"Well, actually, it is."

I was thinking how fun it would be to go back to school and maybe get my degree in aerospace engineering. Then, I would try to get a job for NASA. I would try my damnedest to get the title of Rocket Scientist. After all of this had happened I would complain to my friends about some lame mundane activity I had been doing and make it sound really hard even though everyone knows that it is easy. Then I would gain great satisfaction when my friends said, "Gosh, Brian, it's not rocket science." and I could say "Well, actually, it is."

Random things

If people can be night owls, can people be day owls? Or do day owls not get a term because that is what most people are?

I am not an out of doors person. I always say, that "A nice day is best enjoyed through a window", yet I get depressed in the winter when I can't get into the sunshine.

Why do I?:

Hate the rain to touch my skin, but like showers?

Take too long to tell a story? (Okay I admit they can be long at times.)

Obsess over how much I weigh?

Fear being broke

Feel the need to go to Wal-mart, even though I know what I am going to see when I get in there. Think, train wreck.

Really think I might master time travel or develop a weather control device someday?

License Plate

Seen last night on a license plate.

EDUK8ted

Hmm, I wonder just how much you were if you spelled it that way.

Proof positive

I don't know if anyone watches the news anymore, what with the "war" and all I seldom do. I do read it sometimes and this is an interesting story here. For those that are not willing to click I will paraphrase. Apparently this French lady was mauled


by a dog and lost her lips and face and jaw. So she had to get a face transplant. Like this...

Unfortunately, I don't think there was any ass kicking or explosions afterwards. Nor a hot girl. Instead we are dealing with a person that as soon as her revolutionary operation was complete, began smoking anew. Now, of course being the romantic that I am, I would think she would want to run out and kiss someone, I knew I would, are you with me? The smoking thing is a bit absurd. The doctors are already saying it could make her face die and fall off or something. Read the story if you don't believe me.

Which leads me to one thing. I have always said it would be nice to date a smoker. Such dedication. It is amazing. If a person is willing to stand out in the rain and cold for an inanimate cylindrical object, what would they do for someone they cared about. The implications are amazing. Now this chick, gets her face ripped off by a dog, isn't mad at the dog a bit by the way, gets a new one, probably all just so she can smoke. Which brings us full circle to the title of this post. People are dumb. Here is the 'Proof Positive' if you will. I suppose I could have just done a post saying people are dumb, but I am like social scientist here. Hypothesizing, if that is possible since I don't think it is a word, and proving it. I might invent electricity next!

Maximum Exposure

I have thought this for a while. Probably even said it on occasion. However, as everyone knows, there is a lot in a name. Especially if you are naming a band. You want something that will distinguish itself and stick in someone's brain, but you don't want it to seem like you picked a bunch of words out of a hat and put them in some order. (Third Eye Blind) If you dispute this, listen to the music, they don't care about a third eye, let alone a blind one. So I present to you, 2 band names that would never be forgotten and get lots of free advertisement.

1. and Many More
----Every hits compilation has included this phrase in its slogan. Let's capitalize!
2. Special Guest
-----Every concert that doesn't know who is going to perform other than the headliner has included this on the flyer. Again, Let's capitalize!


Also, future bands. Please stop naming your band The _____(s)
It is over. I even like some of you, but you all kind of sound the same. Kind of look the same. Probably even smell the same. If you are in need of a band name, email me. I can help. In fact, here is a freebie.

Autumn Hate

I want credit for this name. In order to use it, you have to have an edgy sound, with some emotion. Sort of ... like... one of... the The ____(s). Hmm, I may have to rethink this.

Tasty Treats

A while back I used to enjoy a nice well made juicy steak. Medium is how I liked them. Then, one day I just lost my taste for them. I perhaps chalk it up to the fact that my doctor told me I had border-line high cholesterol and needed to cut back on the red meat. I guess after that I got scared straight. However, one thing that I didn't lose my taste for was veal. For those that do not know, veal is a delicious meat made from immobilized calves fed only the best ingredients. The result is a very tender and tasty meat. That looks like this.

Veal Parmesan is a popular dish that it is used in, but more on that later. A while back a friend of mine began a panda watch. Check it out here. Now every time I saw that panda I only thought of one thing. "Yum". I wonder what panda would taste like. Some of you may be thinking this is cruel. However, I think that is dumb. This is based on the fact that from natural selection alone, this animal should have been taken care of a long time ago. An animal that doesn't move much and only eats one thing, deserves to be in turn eaten. I think panda would be tender like veal but with a much higher meat yield.

Years ago there was this movie with Matthew Broderick and Marlon Brando, in which the latter held parties for socialites and for a high price they could eat dinner made of endangered animals. I like this idea, only it needs a bit of tweaking. I am thinking, meals for everyone at fast food prices. Doesn't the McPanda Sandwich sound good to you? Besides, they look like criminals. What with the shady mask they wear and those shifty eyes. Is he smoking a cigarette? Or maybe pot or pcp.

Things I know

1. I rock the party, that rocks the party.
2. Where Waldo is.
3. Where the busses go.
4. What the omnipotence paradox is.
5. Who rocks the party that rocks the party (See 1.)
6. Lyrics to songs like no one would believe. Don't ask me how far Kansas City, is from Blacksburg (not 6 hours) or how far Jamaica is from Richmond in a plane (not 15 hours) but ask me some Jay-Z lyrics and it is on like Donkey Kong.
7. How to tell a good story. I am quite possible one of the last great story tellers of our era. A modern day bard. There was Aesop, The Brothers Grimm, and me.
8. What soul is. (The James Brown kind)
9. Who has it. (ME!)
10. Et cetera, and et al. All of it.

Yeah that's right. Mess you up like a car crash.

Although my title has nothing to do with this post. I think it is a good one. I am beginning to think that once people start reading this, they will stop reading this. It seems all I do is rant and rave. However, that is pretty much what I do in real life sooo....Here goes. A little P.S.A.

Dear Old Dudes at the Gym,
Why do you feel that it is necessary to try and maximize your naked time at the gym? I understand that you have to work out and be healthy. Hell, I was at the gym the same time you were. However, it is 5:00pm, could you possibly go home and shower? Or get this, shave there too? Why do you need to shower at the gym in the evening anyway. I saw you when you walked in, you were in work clothes. I know you aren't going back there. If you must shave in the evening, please do it at home. Why do you have to do it naked, at the gym, with your towel over your shoulder? I don't even shave naked at home. Is there an age that you hit and decided "Hey, I think it is time to be naked in a room full of strangers and totally creep everyone out." Please stop it, you seriously make me want to change into my gym clothes in my car. You also, make me sick. For reals. Thank you.

Presidential Election: Battle Royale

Thoughts for the future...

I think this would be a good idea. From now on, each president should have to take an IQ test and be of a certain minimum intelligence. Also, they would have to go through some sort of rigorous physical training too. Think Steve Austin, the bionic man. I know cheap shot. Then whenever there was a war, the presidents of the 2 or more opposing powers would have to fight each other to win. I know what you are thinking, the Russians would win, they have steroids. We have steroids too though. There could be a challenge, and there would be physical and mental challenges, and a fight. That is the most important part. To the death. Maybe. No more wars. Pay-per-view of the president fighting. If we were lucky, we could get a bad ass president. Like this. Bad-ass President.

"She (Un)-Blinded Me With Science"

This morning I had laser surgery on my left eye. Man it was amazing. As soon as they put my corneal flap back down I could see. Right now I can almost read with it. Although it is a bit blurry, the man (everyone likes ninjas, and no, unfortunately, my doctor is not one.) says I should be at 90% of what my vision will finally be tomorrow morning at my post-op appt. I could get into all of the gore, there wasn't much, but I will leave it alone. However, tomorrow morning they will be giving me a DVD of the procedure, so if anyone wants to see it. Drop me a line!